Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Create Memo

So... i've decided getting a replacement phone is slightly less shitty than a hard reset on the phone i already have because at least it feels like i'm getting something new... even tho i'm pretty sure the screen protector that i've come to know and love will prolly not make it onto the 4th phone... so sad face on that... but yay for things to write about...

whenever i think of something i want to maybe use in my blog i write it in the memo section of my phone... which does not save to the sd card... so i either need to re-write it out on the computer or say good-bye to it foreverrrrr....

so here we go....

on January 4, 2012 i thought it would be a good idea to look up the lyrics to "We Didn't Start The Fire" and research every name or reference that i didn't know.  this lasted about 6 minutes... not because i'm well versed in US history (i failed that class) but because like the reason i failed the class... it just doesn't interest me... i do like Billy Joel tho...  totally listening to it on youtube right now...

on January 8, 2012 we went out to hibachi at Ikko in Brick with a few friends... there was this Indian family sitting at the table next to us... and the entire time i was think that if i was that hibachi chef i would aim for the dot in the middle of the woman's forehead... i literally was laughing like a damn fool the whole time... but for realz... it's funny...

on January 9, 2012 i decided that i wanted to suck the jesus out of Tim Tebow... haha... i would totally still do it even tho he's not a suberbowl champion...

on January 10, 2012 i had a good laugh at the fact that people actually celebrate monthly anniversaries... not teenage people either... like 25 year-old people... nothing sounds more obnoxious than "happy 16 month anniversary baby"  wtf???

also on this day i was behind some asshole that kept slowing down like he was gonna turn somewhere then looked at his gps then speeding up then slowing down then looked at the gps then going some more... isn't the point of the gps system to make finding roads easier thus not holding up the person behinds you's day???  yeah... yeah it is.

on February 21, 2012 while working out at the gym wheel of fortune was on the tv.  i consider myself to be pretty damn good at solving the puzzles before the contestants... i did, however, decided that solving the puzzle first only counts if you say it out loud AND someone hears you.  this doesn't work out too well since the majority of the people at my gym wear headphones... ah well...

on February 24, 2012 i hereby name the people who are in front of you at a red light and don't go when it turns green to the point you have to honk at them then you see their head pop up from whatever distraction they have in their lap "Whack-A-Moles"... cuz you just kinda wanna beat them over their popping heads with a fuzzy mallet.  i'm still trying to come up with a proper name for the douche bags that sit in a left turn/straight lane with no blinker on so you get behind them only to have the light turn green and THEN they put their left turn signal on rendering you stuck. suggestions welcomed!

on February 25, 2012 i decided that people should have some sort of like/dislike buttons on them so they know exactly when they are being shitty to someone else... LOL... i saw this dude in the parking lot and he was being a dick and i was like... wow... i wish i could just push the dislike button you... that seems like something that could catch on...

on February 27, 2012 some dick head from Melrose Park, IL hacked into my Verizon account and ordered an iphone s to be shipped to him and billed to me... he did this hundreds of times over to tons of Verizon wireless customers... CHECK YOUR ACCOUNTS !!!

also on this day i got into an argument with my employee because she doesn't understand the english language... she asked me what our other co-workers wife died from and i told her that her disease finally killed her... she said oh i thought she had cancer... i said she did.  she INSISTED that cancer was NOT a disease that it was just cancer... i explained to her that all illness are disease... i mean break it down here... dis-ease... lack of ease... hmmm... she was getting like super mad but i kept pushing her cuz it was amusing to me... then she was trying to tell me that she didn't have a DISEASE she just has a chemical imbalance and bi-polar isn't a disease... so i break me out some google...

A disease is an abnormal condition affecting the body of an organism. It is often construed to be a medical condition associated with specific symptoms and signs.[1] It may be caused by external factors, such as infectious disease, or it may be caused by internal dysfunctions, such as autoimmune diseases. In humans, "disease" is often used more broadly to refer to any condition that causes pain, suffering, distress, dysfunction, social problems, and/or death to the person afflicted, or similar problems for those in contact with the person. In this broader sense, it sometimes includes injuries, disabilities, disorders, syndromes, infections, isolated symptoms, deviant behaviors, and atypical variations of structure and function, while in other contexts and for other purposes these may be considered distinguishable categories. Diseases usually affect people not only physically, but also emotionally, as contracting and living with many diseases can alter one's perspective on life, and their personality.
Death due to disease is called death by natural causes. There are four main types of disease: pathogenic disease, deficiency disease, hereditary disease, and physiological disease.

just so we're clear here... i was totally right... buttttt she just kept arguing... and then she even threatened to walk out and break a window if i kept going... i never imagined the words "are you threatening me?" would come out of my mouth the managerial portion of my life... the Beavis and Butthead quoting portion, maybe...  i think that she thinks that the word disease makes it seem like something is wrong with her or that it's disgusting... i think the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. 

so today i tried to get a new remote clicker thingy for my car... 150$ for 1 200$ for 2... that's 10 percent of what my car is valued at for a little piece of plastic... i'd rather get a new car...

well onto the part where i have to actually switch the phones and redownload EVERYTHING!!!! ughhh...


  1. Love your MEMO....Lets go out!

  2. LOL... thanks and i don't even know you =)

  3. ""are you threatening me?" would come out of my mouth the managerial portion of my life... the Beavis and Butthead quoting portion, maybe..."


    My name is Cornholio! Are you threatening me??

  4. lol... my voice was definitely tainted with a little Cornholio when i said it too... i'm starting to think i do things to make myself laugh at the most inappropriate times..

  5. Yeah, saying that out loud, on accident or not, during a real argument would probably make me laugh too.

    You have a good sense of humor. Keep up the blog entries - they are really funny!

    (Or I will come back and threaten you.)

  6. OK, a few comments: With regard to the retarded employee, please google south park, eric cartmans epic song "Minorities in my waterpark" It is the punctuation mark to your immigrant/retard/illiterate employee

    Cornholio: you must always follow up an "Are you threatening me?" with an "I need some TP for my bunghole" or else bad things will happen to you. Honestly..

    For the dick bags who make the late left signal: One must buy a commercial grade megaphone and scream at loudest setting: " You are a fucking Jew Asshole and Hitler had the right idea he just missed you!!" (since most bad driving in your neck of the woods is highly likely Jew based.)

    thank you

  7. Thank you! There are definitely too many minorities in my waterpark
    .. unless of course waterpark is a euphemism for vagina in which case there are zero... lol... girls don't have bungholes ( recognized the word bunghole and finished it for me... didn't expect that)... and surprisingly it wasn't a Jew in the left lane... I was down the street from my house... if I had a megaphone... I'd be in jail by now...

  8. If I had a megaphone I would be in jail for hate crimes...