Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Class Reunion

it's been 10 years and i'm just not going.  why the hell do i need to spend money to see people that i know every fucking thing about down to when they take a shit because it's posted on facebook?  yeah... as for the people that i'm not friends with on facebook or the people who UNFRIENDED me (i know who you alllll are and when i become famous i will embarrass you for your closed mindedness) i don't really wanna see them anyway.  seriously. 

after a conversation with a high school classmate that i have not seen or talked to in 10 years i've been able to compile a list of why people would not want to be my friend or choose to unfriend me.

my off color humor
or perhaps the constant nudity that comes with my blog
they think they're better than me
they just don't understand a good time
they do understand a good time but they are too insecure to admit they like it for fear of being exiled from their family
my matter-of-fact attitude
my blatant disregard for social norms
my ability to see and state the obvious with such disdain while keeping a straight face
i used to be a stripper in the town i live in and i'm proud of it
i love anything that has to do with sex 
there is no filter between my brain and mouth
i curse A LOT
all of your boyfriends/husbands would fuck me if given the chance... 

that should be enough reason for now....moving along.

what would we talk about?
the effect of time on the human body... why should i be forced to say that you look good?  you prolly don't... your ever so demanding parenting schedule mixed with work and keeping the house nice has made you neglect your appearance for years now... not meeee.... got my tits done and i workout in the gym like a motherfucker... but no one wants to hear about that.  disease? yeah i'm good on that front as well and i don't want to have to muster up some fake concern about how you're not healthy. 
i didn't graduate from college because i think it's just a complete waste of money. don't really care if you did or not because i'm still smarter than most. (notice i didn't say all... i accept the fact that people might possess a higher level of intelligence than me but when it comes down to it my endurance and resourcefulness will get me through better than anyone with a degree.)
i love my shitty dry cleaners job and i'm good at it and while you might say "oh that's great" to my face i know you really think i'm selling myself short.  don't really care what you think
i don't have kids and i don't want them.  i also don't want to hear about how having kids changed your life and one day i will want them. i assure you the world does not need an offspring of mine in it.  beyond that... why would i subject said offspring to this train wreck of a world?
politics?  i have my opinions about that which will remain between me and the voting booth. 
religion... ahhh.... yeah... i don't believe in that either...  anything that i encounter in this world is a direct result of what i put into this world... the only person in charge of my destiny is me... 

so now that you're so annoyed with me already... enter your significant other... if you're a man she's gonna hate that you're talking to me... (she's prolly seen my blog)  if you're a woman you will make some excuse to leave the convo because i'm gonna look smokin' hot in whatever slutty outfit i decide to wear that night. 

i know this sounds pretty cynical but let's face it... i'm not one to sugar coat a clearly obvious series of potential events.... i also don't like cat fights or jail (i've never been in either and i'd like to keep it that way)

so... this all being said... who the fuck would want me at this reunion (and admit to it) anyway?  lol 

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